Treatment GuideJust DiagnosedSex & DatingAfrican AmericanStigmaAsk the HIV DocPrEP En EspañolNewsVoicesPrint IssueVideoOut 100
CONTACTCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
© 2024 Pride Publishing Inc.
All Rights reserved
All Rights reserved
By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Private Policy and Terms of Use.
A couple months ago I met a man 20 years my senior and was instantly drawn to him. We have a lot in common'we're both gay, we're both HIV-positive, we're both therapists, we're both addressing our substance-use issues. I felt as though I had an instant mentor. We went out to eat, shared colorful stories about what we've been through, and started a friendship. We even started collaborating on some work. And then he got sick. What started as a nagging leg pain became a debilitating illness. No one knew what it was. His doctor, who also happens to be mine, suggested lymphoma. Other specialists speculated differently. Tests were conducted. Blood was drawn. Scans were made. When I visited him at home he was in pain, thoroughly agitated with how his body was shutting down'and he was scared. While he is a longtime survivor who is used to the fluctuations in his health that come from living with chronic illness, he still becomes afraid'as most of us do'when confronted with the unknown. This was clearly the unknown. As we spoke at his home and he recounted his frustrations with having a compromised immune system, hobbling around with the assistance of a walker, I felt sadness. I was uncomfortable witnessing someone I love becoming so physically vulnerable. It reminded me of when my mom was dying, or when I was first diagnosed with HIV in the hospital. And mortality again was staring me in the face. Why do I share this story? Because it's a story that needs to be told. Because people still get sick. People still die. And many of us still live in a state of blissful denial that prods our HIV-negative brothers and sisters toward complacency, saying 'It's just like diabetes' or 'All you have to do is take a pill.' While there is certainly ample reason to be hopeful, people like my friend'and many of you as well'can attest to the fact that not everyone is climbing mountains or taking great vacations on the beach. Some of us are seriously ill. And we do a disservice to all if we don't on occasion deal with our mortality. I have had some somber moments with my friend. In being with him, in tolerating my discomfort with watching his body fail, in contemplating his mortality, I have contemplated my own future. Perhaps ironically, the more I inhabit that space, the more clarity and contentment I feel. Sadness and fear in the short term yield serenity later. He is on the mend after being diagnosed with a strange zoster infection that spread to his spine. He's on antibiotics and is in a rehab facility for physical therapy, where he awaits a long road of recovery. Amazingly, throughout his illness he has been present to his feelings and optimistic at the same time. He has proved himself to be an exemplary mentor. This update is certainly good news'and it constitutes an important chapter in his story. It also constitutes an important chapter in mine. I once read something about the importance of stories. There is something incredibly healing about hearing someone else's story and realizing that they are telling yours as well. I hope there is something in this story that you hear as your own. And that perhaps you too can experience sadness in the short term but serenity later.
Want more breaking equality news & trending entertainment stories?
Check out our NEW 24/7 streaming service: the Advocate Channel!
Download the Advocate Channel App for your mobile phone and your favorite streaming device!
From our Sponsors
Most Popular
Diets that mimic fasting reverse aging: study
March 07 2024 5:28 PM
The Most Amazing HIV Allies & Advocates of 2023
November 03 2023 12:51 PM
PrEP without a prescription now a reality in California
February 06 2024 8:37 PM
This OnlyFans Star Is Trying to Raise $100K to Fight HIV
December 26 2023 3:05 PM
The naked Black body takes center stage in this HIV campaign
January 03 2024 1:07 PM
Mr. Gay World wants to make sure you're OK
January 02 2024 4:56 PM
The First Person Cured of AIDS Gets His Due
December 19 2023 1:12 AM
HIV Advocate, Journalist Josh Kruger Murdered in His Home
October 06 2023 3:19 PM
35 Years of World AIDS Day
December 01 2023 8:35 AM
Plus: Featured Video
Latest Stories
8 dating tips for gay men from a gay psychotherapist
March 21 2024 2:50 PM
Unleash your fiery spirit with The Pride Store’s Aries gift guide
March 21 2024 2:08 PM
Crafting diversity and inclusivity in beauty with Fashion Foundry
March 20 2024 5:27 PM
Vibrant locks rain or shine with The Pride Store's top haircare essentials
March 19 2024 2:13 PM
At risk for syphilis or chlamydia? There’s a PEP for that
March 19 2024 12:04 PM
'Drag Race' star Q shares she's living with HIV
March 18 2024 3:08 PM
Empowering women with Nashelle Jewelry this Women's History Month
March 13 2024 3:05 PM
Scarlet fever: exploring our fascination with blood
March 13 2024 1:47 PM
Bloom in your skin with The Pride Store’s skincare essentials
March 12 2024 4:31 PM
Nex Benedict’s tragic death further proves that Oklahoma is not OK
March 12 2024 2:57 PM
Mr. Gay World's Plus cover story: behind the scenes
March 08 2024 4:47 PM
HIV+ man banned from jail work program gets last laugh
March 07 2024 4:14 PM
The Werkroom's artistic rebellion transforms pop culture icons into queer fantasies
March 07 2024 2:23 PM
Get your spring bling on with The Pride Store’s jewelry picks
March 05 2024 4:43 PM
Is this the future of PrEP?
March 01 2024 5:54 PM
Leap (Day) into luxury with The Pride Store's flash promotion!
February 28 2024 2:15 PM
Top 10 gifts that bind to celebrate your chosen family
February 28 2024 11:58 AM