Just Diagnosed? Here's What You Need To Do Next

Okay, you’re freaking out. Of course you are. It’s a normal response to learning you’re HIV-positive. But take a moment to breathe. Because this news is not as bad as you think it is. I’m not trying to be trite or belittle what you are going through, but things have changed so much, even in the past couple of years; and they make having HIV so much less life-altering than it once was. HIV may have once seemed like a death sentence but it is now a manageable chronic disease like diabetes. You are more likely to die of heart disease than of AIDS-related complications. You will keep living, you will keep loving, you will still have a happy life. So breathe. It's going to be okay.

I know, you want some time to process, to grieve the healthy life you think you’ve lost. And that’s okay. But while you’re doing that, make an appointment, go to it, fill your prescription, and start taking it right away. This is really important: it may affect the rest of your life. Studies are showing that getting on treatment early can greatly improve your long-term health outlook.

You’re going to need help navigating this new experience, this new HIV-positive world. The amazing thing is that there are tons of organizations and peer support groups out there that are waiting to give you the assistance you need. They can help you find a doctor, figure out how to pay for your medications, and answer all the questions you suddenly need to know. Each state has its own toll-free HIV and AIDS hotline, and Project Inform has the full list at ProjectInform.org/hotlines. 

Coming out about your HIV status can be really hard, especially at first (it gets easier every time you do it). You may be afraid of how the person you are telling is going to react. Will your friends still be there when they find out you’re poz? Will your parents be disappointed? Will the guy you’re seeing break things off? When you don’t know how the important people in your life are going to react it can be terrifying. For the most part, people will probably surprise you. You’ll find that those who care about you don’t stop doing so just because you’re HIV-positive. But they may want you to reassure them or to answer a bunch of HIV 101 questions. Only problem? You don’t know the answers yet. So, tell someone who doesn’t need to ask those questions, because they already have the answers. Know someone who is poz? Tell them. Or call a hotline and tell the guy on the other end of the line.

Again, when you tell your friends and family you are HIV-positive, many of them are going to have questions. They may also believe some myths about HIV, especially about how it’s transmitted. They might fear sharing silverware with you — even though they can’t get HIV that way. Or they might just want to know what this means for your health and your love life. So do some research, read stuff from reliable sources (the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, magazines like Plus, and material put together by HIV organizations are good places to start), and ask your doctors and people with HIV to fill in the gaps. Check out these 30 things you should know about HIV or our HIV 101 channel.

There’s strength in numbers. And sometimes you need to talk to someone who is going through the same thing you are. While talking to someone who has been poz for ten years has its own rewards, they haven’t experienced what you’re going through for a long time. You need to talk with someone else who is at the same place in this journey — another person who was just diagnosed. You'll find them in these groups.

We’re not going to tell you to stop using drugs because they are illegal. You’re free to have your own moral values and we won’t narc you out to the police. But injection drugs may have gotten you into this mess in the first place, and even things like chemsex drugs can make HIV transmission more likely. And they are bad for your health, especially now that you are positive, because they are hard on the immune system. Cigarettes, while not as problematic as hard drugs are still deadly. According to the American Cancer Society “Cigarettes kill more Americans than alcohol, car accidents, suicide, AIDS, homicide, and illegal drugs combined.” Get help breaking your addictions and leave those bad habits behind like a skin you've shed to become the new, healthier, you.

Being HIV-positive does mean that you’ll have increased risks of some other illnesses. You’ll be healthier, and thus happier if you watch your diet, exercise regularly, follow heart-health guidelines, and drink more coffee.

Finding out you’re HIV-positive isn’t a reason to give up on love or stop dating. You are just as hot, smart, unique, and amazing as you were the day before your diagnosis; so don’t let anyone tell you you’re not. If someone’s no longer interested in going out with you once they learn your status, they aren’t worthy of your time anyway. You are better than that. Say sayonara. The right person is still out there waiting for you; and they are going to see that everything you have to offer didn't evaporate because you're now HIV-positive. 

Now that you’re HIV-positive you will have to avoid transmitting HIV to your sexual partners. But playing safe is easier to do then ever before. If your partner is HIV-negative but is taking PrEP — the one-a-day HIV prevention pill you — have less chance of transmitting HIV then if you were relying on condoms alone. You’re even safer if you use both. There are also different positions and sexual acts that carry far fewer risks, including oral. Even better news? Once you’ve been on treatment long enough that you’ve gotten your viral load down to undetectable levels, you’ll have virtually zero chance of transmitting HIV regardless of whether you use a condom. Yes, zero.  

related slideshows