And So It Happened
Francesco Di Benedetto has been working on his new book project, entitled And So It Happened, for three years and he happily shares this excerpt with our audience. The book is available on Amazon.
"Medical advances and the availability of PrEP have certainly improved and changed the lives of the HIV-positive community in recent years. Public attitudes, however, have not kept pace. The stigma of an HIV-positive diagnosis endures and the need for better understanding remains. And so this project provides a safe platform where the stories of those either living with HIV or on PrEP can be shared, because openness is key to tolerance and no one should have to hide — whatever their status."
Photos and Francesco's website: Francesco Di Benedetto
Nicholas, 22, undetectable. Chelsea, NYC.
Freshman at the Fashion Institute of Technology.
“I met a guy who was on vacation in NYC at the beginning of his trip. He was beautiful, seductive and convincing. He told me he was from TX and that he was returning home in a few days. I was 16 at the time and my lust for him came on quickly and intense, as does most teenage affairs. On the last night of his trip he asked me to return to TX with him. I threw everything up in the air and said yes. As soon as we deplaned and arrived at his home, I experienced the most terrible shift of my life, the rudest awakening ever. I walk into this cruddy crack den he calls a home and find two small beautiful children, ages 2 and 5, and he introduces them to me right away; ‘these are my babies’. I had no idea he had children. Where’s mommy? In prison. The money he was blowing on our extravagant New York adventures was an overdue child support fund that a judge declared the mother pay him. He dropped his bags, went straight into his room and started smoking crystal meth, right in front of his kids. I was in total shock. After I learned about my diagnosis and posted about it on Facebook he called me immediately, crying ‘I am sorry I never told you I was positive, I was afraid you wouldn’t like me anymore’. My response: ‘Are you f*cking stupid? Now I REALLY don’t like you’.
When I first found out I was positive I immediately thought that my love life would be over. I was so wrong. The men that I have been meeting now are far more intelligent, open-minded, considerate. I would never want to date someone who is uncomfortable being with someone positive, because that just blatantly shows a serious lack of education, intelligence, adaptability and ignorance.
I suppose that people having access to Truvada helps me in the sense that many who would have never considered being with someone who is positive, now consider it thanks to things like PrEP and PEP. My ex-boyfriend was and still is negative. We had unprotected sex for the length of our relationship and he only got on PrEP a few months into us dating. If you are sexually active, get on PrEP! I wish it existed back then.”
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Rajan, 32, on PrEP. Brooklyn, NY. Working in Tech.
“I was born in India, but I grew up in New York. I’ve gone back and forth between these two worlds typically described in binary terms as East and West. I find this way of thinking very anxiety provoking. My parents, being Indian immigrants, expected me to be successful in America while keeping some Indian culture intact. This conflict was complicated and I was aware of it at a young age. To understand both these worlds, I have always confided in science and in what the power of scientific knowledge can do for societies with deep-rooted beliefs systems. And so PrEP made perfect sense to me because there was enough scientific data to prove that it was a way to end this epidemic. I wanted to be part of that and at first it felt risky, but the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that I was reducing my risks and was being more conscious of my overall health.
I get PrEP from Callen-Lorde, an LGBTQ health clinic. My health insurance pays for this medication. I am aware of the health care debate that has been going on in this Country for the past 3 decades. For me, the health care debate is valid concerning who is paying for this expensive medication versus who is benefiting from this drug. These issues go back to the notion of public good in a society and who pays for it. This blue pill does raise many important questions about the nature of our society as a whole, but, ultimately, I believe the collective 'we' should choose progress over stagnation, just as we did when we chose cars over horses and carriages, and now driverless vehicles.
I think it is common to associate Truvada with the way people have changed their sexual behavior, however, I think that is misleading. I believe that a pill cannot make people do anything more or less, just like Coca-Cola doesn't make one happier as portrayed in their commercials. I do feel much safer in having sex because of the scientific evidence this pill has propagated.”
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Derek Du Jour, 26, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY.
Newly lost soul and blogger trying to find their place again in this world.
“It happened through a past sexual encounter. I'm super thankful to have such supportive family and friends, as they definitely helped keep me emotionally and mentally strong. But I also didn't allow myself to be sad for too long because what's done is done. There was nothing I could do about it aside from accepting the situation and continuing to live my life to the fullest. I'm not mad at anyone; we're all equally responsible. If anything, I'm more upset with myself. But it is what it is; I'm alive and healthy. That's all that matters right? I'm currently taking Tivicay and Descovy.
Not much has changed because of the infection, to be honest. My dating life has taken quite a blow, not that it was ever prosperous. But a majority of the guys that hit me up are bi and pansexual, who are relatively new to the queer world. They're coming from a heteronormative society where LGBTQ and sex education are either neglected or extremely out of date. So, many are unaware of HIV, PrEP, and how much medicine has advanced today. Therefore, a lot of them are scared of me, block me, and verbally disrespect me because of my status, despite my being undetectable, which hurts sometimes.
PrEP has absolutely brought a change! People are so much more educated about HIV and how it works today. As the years have gone by, the amount of people scared of me has decreased as well. The stigma isn't as intense now, but there is still so much more work to be done.”
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Omare, 26, undetectable. Poughkeepsie, NY. Fashion Designer, and Data Specialist for Planned Parenthood.
"I believe I contracted the virus in D.C. from a man I didn't know. We had a quickie that l quite enjoyed at the time. Little did I know that day would change my life forever. Soon after I began to get increasingly sick, experiencing flu-like symptoms lasting 2-3 weeks. I knew something had to be wrong with my body but I was unsure if it was seasonal sickness or a disease. I decided a month later to get tested at my local clinic in Northern Virginia. That day my life changed when I received my HIV diagnosis. I have now been HIV positive for 4 years and undetectable for over 3 years straight.
My life has changed in many ways but the most valuable thing I receive is the State and County benefits allocated for HIV positive individuals. I currently receive housing assistance which has prevented me from homelessness and eviction. I also receive great care from my Infectious Disease Specialist at least 4 times a year. My current regimen is a single Genvoya pill once daily, which has maintained my undetectable status.
PrEP is an awesome tool that HIV negative people can take to at least ease their fears of contracting the virus. But many people still look down at those who are Poz or on PrEP, feeling that it's a sign of promiscuity."
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Shamôr
"I started taking PrEP because my best friend from Uni's husband is HIV+ and my bestie told me that he was taking Truvada. This was back in 2011 and I asked if people without HIV+ partners could take it. When I got back to the US from London in 2014, I asked the clinic for PrEP. So I guess I found out about it in 2011, but didn't start it until 2014. I take it as a precaution. I've had partners lie to me before and I wanted to take all measures to have the safest sex possible so that I could make it as enjoyable as possible.
My PCP prescribes me Truvada and I pick it up from Walgreens. My PCP is very sex-positive and she's queer so she had no problem giving me Truvada. My insurance covers most of the cost of the medicines and then the Gilead Access Program covers the rest of the cost of the medicine so in the end, my Truvada is completely free.
To be honest, when I was a lot younger, in my earlier 20s, I did some pretty risky things and that was before Truvada was available. I think if anything, taking Truvada daily is a reminder that I'm making less riskier sexual decisions these days. It's really had no change on my sex life. I wouldn't say that I've had more sex with HIV+ people, but I've barebacked with someone knowing they're positive and been super calm because I knew he was undetectable and I'm on PrEP. Sometimes I have safe sex with a condom, and sometimes I don't but I like knowing that condom or not, my sex is always safer with PrEP.
My name is Shamôr, I'm 28 years old. I work as a public civil servant for the federal government. I live in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. I'm black, queer, and Southern but without the accent."
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Mark and Michael (couple)
Mark, 57, undetectable. Long-term survivor living in Baltimore with his husband and two cats, Henry and Charlotte. Writer and LGBT activist. Michael, 54, undetectable. Working for the federal government.
Mark: I am a gay man who moved to Los Angeles when I was 20 years old, in 1981. It was the end of the gay sexual revolution, although we didn't know it at the time, and the dawn of the age of AIDS. I have no idea who might have infected me, and that's just as well. It doesn't matter. There were no medications when I tested HIV positive. As they came along, I took them, always hopeful that I would survive until the next medication was approved. Now, finally, I live in a time when there are more medications to treat my HIV than I will ever need. Any difficult life event, if you allow it, teaches us compassion and empathy for other people. Nothing can really make the tragedy of AIDS worthwhile, but I am grateful for being involved in decades of activism and the truly heroic people I have met along the way.
Michael: On Nov 26, 2005, I was the victim of a sexual assault. My HIV infection resulted from that action. Afterward, I lost trust in others and in my own ability to make good decisions. I am grateful to have had access to health care coverage and medications. Today, I live fearlessly, but with a new understanding of the good and the bad people are capable of. I found the most amazing man and we were married in 2015. I currently take Descovy and Isentress.
Mark: The most interesting thing to me about PrEP is the fact that it allows people who are HIV negative to take concrete action to protect themselves. For too long, the burden and sole responsibility for containing the spread of HIV has fallen on those of us living with the virus. We have been viewed as little more than vectors of disease and a problem that must be managed. Clearly, with 50,000 new infections each year in the US, this approach has not worked. PrEP changes that.
Michael: PrEP has not changed my relationship with sexuality, but I believe I would not be positive today if PrEP were available to me in 2005.
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Maria
“I was diagnosed in 1994. Back then I was in and out of jail and drug treatment programs because of crack/cocaine. After a while I realized how I contracted the virus: rape. It took me some time to accept it and educate myself and my family. They never turned their backs on me. My children are in this fight with me and have themselves become advocates. I've been on a deathbed; however, God has seen differently because here I am 24yrs later. Now campaigning for U=U and living my life to the fullest. I'm a full time employee, college student, caregiver for my dad, raising my grandsons and a single parent to two beautiful daughters. I am an advocate for those who don't have a voice. I post photos of me freely to show my face and let others know they're not alone in this fight. I hold my heart up and proud living with AIDS, not caring what others have to say. I love and die by my quote: 'I know my status, what about you?'
My life has changed drastically since my diagnosis. At first I had to go through so many trials and tribulations. My dad treating me differently, he’d pull out plastic plates for me and use ammonia every time I used the bathroom. It wasn't until he saw me almost dying that he accepted me being HIV+. Now he drinks from my cup, hugs and kisses me. He continues to love me unconditionally. My children don’t see me any differently; in fact they get on my case if I ever slip and forget to take my medications. Living with AIDS is not a death sentence anymore. I give back what was given to me: unconditional love and the ability to teach the next generation. So, I tip my hat off to AIDS because it hasn't and will not win. Not on my time. My illness is very manageable for the most part; I take one pill a day, Stribild, and attend mental health therapy.
I'm glad that PrEP is around because it’s given me the opportunity to educate my partner. He’s asked me plenty of questions and has made a decision to seek more information on his own so that he can get on it. PrEP has been keeping others negative and safe.
My name is Maria; I’m a 50yrs old Latina working as a case manager and living in the Bronx, NY.”
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Simon
"I started taking PrEP 2 years ago. I found out about it from the Manhattan LGBT Center. Being trans is kind of an obstacle because trans men are at high risk for HIV, but there are barely any studies on us. It takes Truvada a longer time (30 days) to protect vaginas and, even then, I have to be extra-careful because missing a day is more risky for me. I get a prescription from my doctor. Combining my insurance with a discount I don't pay anything for it.
Being on PrEP has altered my sexual behavior, now I feel more comfortable to have raw sex. When I started taking Truvada I already had an undetectable partner and it helped me feel even more secure.
My name is Simon. I’m a 25-year-old transmasculine person, originally from upstate New York, but currently living in Bushwick. I'm a PhD student for French medieval literature and I also teach French to undergrads at Baruch College."
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Rexy, 21, on PrEP. San Francisco, CA. Drag Activist, Trans Woman, and Drag mother.
"I decided to take PrEP because I wanted to take care of myself and my body. I wanted to have a little more sense of security when it came to being someone who is on my sexual liberation journey. One other part is mainly around safety. As a trans femme, this world is not the safest and, after having been sexually assaulted, I wanted to be able to protect myself in case of an incident like that happening again.
I get my Truvada for free from the health clinic I go to. After I started taking it, I have had an extra sense of security. This also helps when it comes to using a condom since, as we all know, condoms can break or rip or just not work. Having Truvada as a backup when it comes to having sexual encounters with undetectable/positive people really helps."
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
Diego, 36, on PrEP. San Francisco, CA. Freelance Artist.
"One of the first times I remember hearing about PrEP was when I was in an orgy. A friend there mentioned he was taking it. I decided to go on PrEP because I was so nervous I’d contract HIV. I know people can still live long and healthy lives with HIV but when I went for a routine check-up and one of the nurses said, 'I would feel dumb contracting HIV knowing that I could have prevented it,' it really hit me.
I get Truvada thru Strut, a queer health clinic in the Castro, SF. I get it for free cause I’m on MediCal, which I’m on because I’m a broke freelance artist - health insurance is so fucked in this country. My Drag daughter works part-time at a grocery store and performs all the time but PrEP would be thousands of dollars for her.
My sexual routine has actually slowed down since I am on PrEP... Lol! Same amount of condom usage, same amount of sex with poz people."
Photo: © Francesco Di Benedetto
