There are plenty of good reasons to utter the words “lets just be friends” after a first date. Perhaps there was no chemistry or a lack of shared interests, or maybe he was just a little bit of a dick. Regardless of what your reasoning to either call or not call him again, his HIV status shouldn’t be a factor.
HIV isn’t one of the variables that determine whether you and your partner are an emotional and physical match. It is merely a measure of logistics and science. If all of the other elements of a relationship seem to be clicking – sexual attraction, similar tastes, and a mutual like for each other’s weirdness – both of you would be a fool to let mismatched statuses get in the way.
However, there are a few things you should be know when starting a relationship with an HIV-positive guy. Pay attention, and you two may live happily ever after – or at least not break up over HIV.
1. If you have a question, don’t be afraid to ask.
You may be worried that a question or concern you have may hurt his feelings. Don’t be. People living with HIV understand that you may have fears or trepidations, especially if you're dating someone with HIV for the first time (at least, the first time that you know about). So when in doubt, ask as many questions as you like. He will be happy that you feel comfortable talking about it with him and, more than likely, will be able to allay any worry you may have. What will hurt his feelings is if you make assumptions and don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. Speak up.
2. Don’t assume that you are the only one who is afraid.
Just because he was upfront and honest with you about his status, doesn’t mean he is a pro at dating while HIV-positive. He may have just as many fears or concerns as you do. Don’t just assume that if you are comfortable with something, whether is a sexual or social situation or somewhere in between, that he is too.
3. Respect his privacy.
If he respected you enough to tell about his status you right away, respect him enough to keep his status to yourself. Talk to your friends about how he makes you feel or how good the kisses are. But unless you have talked with him about it first, leave HIV off the coffee talk agenda. You won’t have to keep his status a secret from the people whom you are closest to forever, but ask yourself if you would want him to share something so personal with his friends when the two of you are still getting to know each other.
4. Don’t worry about what other people think.
The good news is that rumors have a zero percent chance of transmitting the virus. Don’t worry about whether people will or won't assume you are HIV-positive. Instead, worry about whether or not he makes you laugh, likes the things you like, and is good in bed. There will always be people who talk negatively about you, no matter what or who you are doing. So make them jealous by making yourself happy and not giving a damn about what others think.
5. Don’t hold back.
As long as the two of you are honest with your feelings, he won't break and you won't become HIV-positive. Have fun, date with abandon and don’t limit yourself from the potential of a great relationship, HIV be damned.