More Than My Blood

So much of life happens without thought. So many decisions are made without choice. So often we are so lost in the constant movement of the universe that time slips through our fingers, and we can't trace our steps back home. We can't pierce through the monotonous shroud of our daily existence long enough to understand how we came to where we've come; the pattern of our tapestry looks nothing like the life we thought we'd weave. Unable to recognize the bread-crumb trail that was supposed to lead us to fairy-tale images of our future selves, we wander aimlessly through existence, reacting only to the dangers of each day and barely doing more than just trying to get by. We move on automatic, we do before the thought has run its course, and we forget that we are infinitely powerful beings of consciousness and choice, capable of hope and love and change. I am in a moment of change, and I refuse to forget. I refuse to let this moment pass without playing my part, stealing my piece of the magic, and being brave enough to dream my dreams. This is the dawning of a new age! The birthing of a brave new world. And with my country in the capable hands of a brilliant black president, the world will never be the same. Yes, I'm HIV-positive. Yes, I'm dealing with a disease that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Yes, I'm single again and lonely. Yes, my heart yearns for someone to call my own. Yes, life is hard. And yes, it sometimes sucks to be me. But there is hope in the air, and there is change crackling in the atmosphere. Suddenly the impossible is possible and the collective unconscious has become conscious, and like a bright yellow field of delicate daisies on the vast horizon of a new day, we are waking up and opening our petals to a myriad of possibilities that are as of yet unknown. In case you haven't noticed, I've been drinking the Kool-Aid. I've been reading A New Earth, rewatching the Obama speeches, participating in protests, repeating my favorite quotes, and I'm starting to believe the hype. I'm ready to transcend! I'm hoping to become enlightened. I'm trying to be the change I want to see in the world'and I'm fired up! I will not be bound by the limitations of my blood, I will not consider the color of my skin, and I will not be defined by my sexuality. I am more than that: more than my circumstance, more than my diagnosis, more than my bank account, more than the collection of syllables and vowels that make up my name. It's time I realized my full potential. Something is different; I can feel it. We've believed the illusion for too long, and it's time for a new perspective. It's time to embrace the change. It's time we stood up, got dusted off, and began to shine. Sometimes the universe converges against you, using delicate rifts in the fabric of time and space to create a world that seems determined to do you harm. But every once in a while the law of entropy comes to a pause and all of creation is at your whim. The stars are aligned, the air is electric, and the galaxy holds its breath'as it waits for your command. Saucier is a writer, blogger, and performance artist based in Los Angeles.