
Treatment GuideJust DiagnosedSex & DatingAfrican AmericanStigmaAsk the HIV DocPrEP En EspañolNewsVoicesPrint IssueVideoOut 100
CONTACTCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
© 2025 Pride Publishing Inc.
All Rights reserved
All Rights reserved
Scroll To Top
By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
I have a client who recently talked with me about a friend who he felt had betrayed him. 'The only way I can feel better,' he said, 'is to make him feel the same hurt that he caused me.' It's human to feel angry at someone who has hurt you and to want to get back at that person in some way. But causing someone else pain tends to have a boomerang effect that can end up challenging your integrity and peace of mind. Instead of striking back, here are some tips to get through those moments when the urge for revenge threatens to get the best of you: ''Ask yourself, Is the person who wronged me paying rent to take up that much space in my brain? This is a particularly good question if you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about revenge and plotting for the right moment to achieve it. Revenge may turn into a poison that can cause you to let loose on people who had no intention of hurting you, lead you to damage relationships, and make you look petty and vindictive. Walking around with that much negativity inside can leave you bitter and isolated and drain you of valuable energy. Is holding all that anger worth the risk? ''Remind yourself, Not everything that happens is about me. When you assume that everything that happens around you is somehow directed at you, it is likely you'll find a threat lurking around every corner'from the guy who accidentally bumps into you on the street to the stressed-out coworker who snaps at you when you ask a question. Wouldn't it be a relief not to be the center of the universe? ''Repeat the mantra, Success is the best revenge. I actually prefer to interpret this saying in a more positive light. When your energy is directed toward being the best person you can be'both for yourself and for the people you care about'you don't have time to dwell on the past. Focus on your own personal growth and put your energy toward improving your present and your future. ' Remind yourself, Everyone is trying to do the best he can, even if it doesn't seem like it when she or he is projecting self-interest and negativity. ''And perhaps most important, have compassion, starting with yourself. If you can stop being so hard on yourself when you make a mistake, it will be easier to forgive others for theirs. After all, we're all in this together. McClain is a licensed counselor in New York City with a specialty in coping with chronic and life-threatening health conditions. His books include The Complete Idiot's Guide to Breaking Bad Habits and Empowering Your Life With Joy, and he is a frequent contributor to health-related publications.
From our Sponsors
Most Popular
Lexi Love comes out as HIV+ after Trump deletes federal resources
January 23 2025 11:23 AM
Grindr is reminding us why jockstraps are so sexy and iconic
May 02 2025 5:36 PM
BREAKING NEWS: Trump admin moves to end federal HIV prevention programs
March 18 2025 6:10 PM
Trump's orders prompt CDC to erase HIV resources
January 31 2025 5:29 PM
Celebrating Black History Month with our annual African American issue
February 01 2025 3:28 PM
Tyler TerMeer vows to continue to fight for health care for all
January 28 2025 3:00 PM
Discover the power of Wellness in your life
March 26 2025 12:41 PM
Plus: Featured Video
Latest Stories
Dancer. Healer. Survivor. DéShaun Armbrister is all of the above
July 02 2025 8:23 PM
Two right-wing Supreme Court justices signal they may uphold access to PrEP and more
April 21 2025 4:10 PM
Broadway's best raise over $1 million for LGBTQ+ and HIV causes
April 03 2025 7:15 PM
Plus nominated for 2025 GLAAD Media Award
January 22 2025 12:42 PM
'RuPaul's Drag Race' star Trinity K Bonet quietly comes out trans
December 15 2024 6:27 PM
AIDS Memorial Quilt displayed at White House for the first time
December 02 2024 1:21 PM
BREAKING: Supreme Court rules to save free access to preventive care, including PrEP
June 27 2025 10:32 AM
1985: the year the AIDS crisis finally broke through the silence
June 26 2025 11:24 AM
Trump admin guts $258 million in funding for HIV vaccine research
June 03 2025 3:47 PM
500,000 Children at Risk: PEPFAR Funding Crisis
April 08 2025 3:51 PM
The Talk Season 5 premieres this spring with HIV guidance for the newly diagnosed
March 26 2025 1:00 PM
Jess King is here to help you live your happiest, healthiest life yet
March 24 2025 4:35 PM
A camp for HIV-positive kids is for sale. Here's why its founder is celebrating
January 02 2025 12:21 PM
VIDEO: A man living with HIV discusses his journey to fatherhood
June 10 2025 4:58 PM
HRC holds 'die-in' to protest Trump health care cuts
April 28 2025 2:11 PM
Season 4 of The Switch on resilience & radical self-love returns this spring
March 26 2025 12:20 PM
Gerald Garth is keeping people of color happy and healthy through trying times
March 11 2025 3:38 PM
This long-term HIV survivor says testosterone therapy helped save his life.
December 16 2024 8:00 PM
Ricky Martin delivers showstopping performance for 2024 World AIDS Day
December 05 2024 12:08 PM