The Space Between

We are all connected. We are all created with the same divine design. We are all beautiful and perfect and flawed. We are all dealing with something difficult. We are never an isolated case. We are never too strange to be understood. And we are never ever alone. These are my daily mantras. These are the words I turn to when I'm sometimes feeling like shit. This is my chanting prayer when the interferon is racking my system and feverish muscle aches are lingering on the proverbial peripheral, just trying to take control. This is how I stay grounded when I've tripled my pill intake and doubled my weekly injection ritual for a treatment that still might not work. Did I mention that I feel like shit? Everything has a purpose. All things are working to a greater good. Love is not always perfect. People are fragile and hurting, and some things they are not yet equipped to understand. Perhaps this moment is not about me. These are my constant reminders. There are the personal poems that I recite when I think I'm losing my mind. When conversations seem too circular and I'm disclosing for the umpteenth time. This is the peace that I call to when the tears are streaming down their faces, and they are telling me it's my fault. This is how I hold their hand through the anger and kiss their cheek with a heavy heart. This is where in breathing truth I risk losing the comfort of the unsaid lie. This is how I trust that there is kindness in the hurt'even when it's hard to hear. I am beautiful. My life has meaning. Time is irrelevant. Love is abundant. This too shall pass. There is a softness in the phrasing and a gentleness in the prose'as if the intentions of the words open a space within the action and there is a separation between identity and experience, between perception and the real thing, between what is happening and what we decide to do. It's like a sci-fi movie when the final war is waging (on some planet with a name we can't pronounce) and as the epic hero is confronted with an impossible task'the screen goes white and he stands alone, just him and a foggy voice. And in that space of light and echoes he is reminded of who he is, of what he is capable of, and that the prophecy had never been wrong. And when he returns to the fight, the music is blaring and the special effects at their best. He smiles at the camera, resolved and fiercely confident, and even the villain realizes there is a change. That is the power of the ages, that is the wisdom of the sage, and that is why some quotes survive. They offer portals into that space. They allow you to step outside the situation and infuse thought and perspective in its place. Last week I started a difficult treatment. A few days ago I got a scary letter from the state disability program. Yesterday I sprained my ankle. Last night we had a really big fight. Right now I feel like shit, and I still have an article to write. I am the substance of God. I will get beyond this. There is someone out there listening. The answer is just around the corner, and I am not alone. Saucier is a writer, blogger, and performance artist based in Los Angeles.