Sansa and Arya was like:
"Oh, so you thought you was just gonna mansplain me and my sister into killing one another so you could get your patriarchy on? Not today, Satan! The Devil is damn lie! And catch this: Watch how little your fingers finna be when we get through. You a carry. And you TRIED it."
And the Three-eyed Raven was like:
"Ooh, Samwell. Chiiiillle, *handclap* let *handclap* me *handclap* tell *handclap* you *handclap* something. So. LISTEN. Jon ain't even my brother, girl. He my cuuuuzin (said with a South Central L.A. drawl) AND plus he's a Sand. Chile CRAFT!"
And Samwell was like:
"But no ma'am. The gag is: He's a Targaryen and I got all the receipts! Get your third eye into these teas!"
And Cersei was like:
"I don't give a fuck about nobody but me and what's in this here womb. I don't even care about my bruhsband. Fuck everything! Zombies can eat the fuck out of y'all. I. GIVE. ZERO. You see how I ain't even move when that shit was runnin' at me? I sat perched in my chair like, "Don't do it, honey!" I run these streets. I ain't never scared. I'm betrayin' EV.VER.REE.BOT.TEE. My level of petty is un-achievable."
And Theon was like:
"Why is 'you ain't got no balls' an insult? Chile, balls is weak and watch me fuck you up because I ain't got none."
And Daenerys and Jon was like:
"It don't count as incest if you don't know you're related. But what difference do it make anyway cuz back in these days, all royalty did was marry cousins and all that shit. And plus Jon got a almost-brotha booty. So...."
And the Ice King was like:
"Swing down, sweet chariot stop, and, let me ride. Hell yeah!"
And that ice dragon was like:
"Oh, so you thought this was a wall? Watch me make snow cones."
Daenerys: "Watch me give the kids Beyoncé realness as I swoop in on this dragon, wearing my best Thierry Mugler, and with hair cornrowed to the Lord of Light. They not gon' be able to taaaaaaaaaaaaake!"
Cersei: "Girl, bye. I don't see it and I don't feature it. You tried to serve Beyoncé, but all I'm receiving is very much post-Miseducation Lauryn Hill. I come from the Aretha Franklin school darling, and a queen is never late and she damn sure don't like to be kept waiting. And you ain't e’en wear a crown. 'Who brings deviled eggs and crabs to an album release party?'"
Discuss in the comment section below.
Shout out to the legendary Got 2B Real.
Robert Jones, Jr. is a writer and proud blerd from Brooklyn, N.Y. Robert's work has been featured in The New York Times, Essence, WNYC, OkayAfrica, and The Grio. He is the creator of the social justice social media community, Son of Baldwin, which can be found on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. His first novel is completed and is in the fine-tuning stage. He’s also currently working on his second novel.