
Treatment GuideJust DiagnosedSex & DatingAfrican AmericanStigmaAsk the HIV DocPrEP En EspañolNewsVoicesPrint IssueVideoOut 100
CONTACTCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
© 2025 Pride Publishing Inc.
All Rights reserved
All Rights reserved
By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Private Policy and Terms of Use.
After weeks of feeling conflicted about it, I finally came to terms with the fact that I need the assistance of a home health aide to help me manage my unwieldy life with AIDS. Someone to help out with household chores, for example, which because of my fatigue might slide for weeks on end. Someone to answer my calls when my harried friends grow tired of me speed-dialing the numbers to their cells in order to phone in a favor. I knew I had to do something. To fill the bill, the home health care agency assigned me a brotha from the motherland. George, a 40-year-old Ghanaian recently landed in the United States, arrived upon my doorstep. He was no Florence Nightingale. The beer-bellied man with a wily smile and a cackling laugh showed up looking for a meal ticket: part angel, part opportunist. I had requested only part-time service to keep from becoming too dependent on an aide. But before ending his first visit, George was already two or three steps ahead'quietly scheming for more hours and more days to add to the bottom line of his paycheck. 'You need a companion,' he told me flat out during one of his breathless bids for more work. 'You need someone to be there for you always.' Lord knows that I wanted to give in. Surrender to someone wanting to take care of me 24/7, per his uncanny suggestion. Allow someone to watch over me. But something in my mind made me think better of it. My instincts detected that he was definitely on a hustle. Still, I knew there was no shame to this brotha's game. Truth of the matter is that George had needs greater than my own, at least to his mind. Over the days he opened up to me about his two children (whom he wanted to immigrate from Ghana to the United States), his mother (who desperately needed money sent back home), his estranged ex-wife (who weeks before had kicked him to the curb of their cramped Brooklyn apartment). And after only a short time of flopping on his brother's sofa uptown in the Bronx, George had nearly worn out his welcome there too. Now he was on a mission to find a host who would employ him day and night so that he wouldn't find himself homeless and having to brave the towering canals of New York City alone. I found myself empathizing with him. Back in Ghana he was a well-paid certified engineer. Now he makes little more than minimum wage. To ease his burden, on some days I paid for his subway transportation or bought him groceries. 'I can help you, brother,' I told him, 'but I can't save you.' As much as he believes that I'm the key to his new prosperity and salvation, it is I who really need him more at this stage of my rehabilitation. Over the weeks our twisted working relationship has evolved. Although it's hard to tell at times, there are fleeting moments when George makes suggestions out of genuine concern for my well-being instead of his. His sympathies toward me, especially on days when I'm feeling physically down-and-out, make him relate to me more as a charity case and less as prey. He can look at me and shake his head on days when he cares to contemplate the tragedy of AIDS. In exchange he's my cleaner/ helper/punching bag at times when I feel particularly resentful about needing him there at all. I buckled and put in a request for George to work more days. Although I can't ask him to weather AIDS with me or give his unconditional love, he shows up each day on time. We are both served. And for now that is sufficient. Whitfield is one of the nation's leading journalists reporting on AIDS among African-Americans. A frequent Vibe contributor, he is based in New York City. Write to Whitfield at leroy@hivplusmag.com.
From our Sponsors
Most Popular
Lexi Love comes out as HIV+ after Trump deletes federal resources
January 23 2025 11:23 AM
Ricky Martin delivers showstopping performance for 2024 World AIDS Day
December 05 2024 12:08 PM
Trump's orders prompt CDC to erase HIV resources
January 31 2025 5:29 PM
California confirms first case of even more deadly mpox strain
November 18 2024 3:02 PM
This long-term HIV survivor says testosterone therapy helped save his life.
December 16 2024 8:00 PM
Plus: Featured Video
Latest Stories
Grindr is reminding us why jockstraps are so sexy and iconic
May 02 2025 5:36 PM
HRC holds 'die-in' to protest Trump health care cuts
April 28 2025 2:11 PM
Two right-wing Supreme Court justices signal they may uphold access to PrEP and more
April 21 2025 4:10 PM
500,000 Children at Risk: PEPFAR Funding Crisis
April 08 2025 3:51 PM
Broadway's best raise over $1 million for LGBTQ+ and HIV causes
April 03 2025 7:15 PM
The Talk Season 5 premieres this spring with HIV guidance for the newly diagnosed
March 26 2025 1:00 PM
Discover the power of Wellness in your life
March 26 2025 12:41 PM
Season 4 of The Switch on resilience & radical self-love returns this spring
March 26 2025 12:20 PM
Jess King is here to help you live your happiest, healthiest life yet
March 24 2025 4:35 PM
BREAKING NEWS: Trump admin moves to end federal HIV prevention programs
March 18 2025 6:10 PM
Gerald Garth is keeping people of color happy and healthy through trying times
March 11 2025 3:38 PM
Celebrating Black History Month with our annual African American issue
February 01 2025 3:28 PM
Tyler TerMeer vows to continue to fight for health care for all
January 28 2025 3:00 PM
Plus nominated for 2025 GLAAD Media Award
January 22 2025 12:42 PM
A camp for HIV-positive kids is for sale. Here's why its founder is celebrating
January 02 2025 12:21 PM
'RuPaul's Drag Race' star Trinity K Bonet quietly comes out trans
December 15 2024 6:27 PM
AIDS Memorial Quilt displayed at White House for the first time
December 02 2024 1:21 PM
Decades of progress, uniting to fight HIV/AIDS
December 01 2024 12:30 PM
Hollywood must do better on HIV representation
December 01 2024 9:00 AM
Climate change is disrupting access to HIV treatment
November 25 2024 11:05 AM