![Mcclaine_14](https://www.hivplusmag.com/media-library/mcclaine-14.jpg?id=32669676&width=1200&height=1600)
Treatment GuideJust DiagnosedSex & DatingAfrican AmericanStigmaAsk the HIV DocPrEP En EspañolNewsVoicesPrint IssueVideoOut 100
CONTACTCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
© 2024 Pride Publishing Inc.
All Rights reserved
All Rights reserved
By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Private Policy and Terms of Use.
"As soon as I (fill in the blank with an action you are planning to take), then my life will be (complete the sentence with your version of what life could be)." You've probably heard this line before, or said it to yourself. Most of us aren't living the lives we had planned for ourselves. Mainly because "real life" often gets in the way of "my life." Is your head so far into what "should be" that the rest of your life has slipped into automatic? Zen philosophy offers some helpful advice: "Control is an illusion. To demand otherwise is to live in anger and frustration at our own helplessness." Not having control means more freedom, not less. So if you aren't fully in control of your own destiny, should you sit back and watch life pass by? Not at all. Planning adds order and discipline to our lives and propels us forward. To use a Zen word, the point is not to be so attached to what our lives should look like that we struggle against the unexpected opportunities -- as well as the setbacks -- that life presents. So how does one go about attaining a Zen attitude about your life? >'Let go of expectations. Make a list of the "have to" things that you beat yourself over the head with. Go back through the list and write don't in front of each one. Create space for new experiences. (While you're at it, you might also let go of your expectations for others.) >'Ease up on the brute force. Jumping into decisions and demanding results won't force things to happen the way we want them to. That big chunk of ice you're pushing against may be attached to an iceberg. If you push too hard, you'll throw your back out. Remind yourself that the universe doesn't respond to temper tantrums. So take a deep breath, and then take another one. >'Get busy and sit still. Meditation or relaxation techniques can help clear your busy mind. But you can also let your mind go wild while you are doing the dishes. Let the alternative possibilities find their way out. Take notes. > Decide to live with integrity and compassion. And a sense of humor. Just as you can choose to feel anxious and powerless, you can also choose to embrace all that life has to offer. A positive attitude is a boomerang! > Imagine your life as a boat. Sure, pay attention to your direction. Row away from the rocks. But let the wind and the waves do some of the work. Enjoy the movement and the perpetual change. Life isn't a dream that you will some day wake up from. Be a partner and not a demanding adversary of the world around you. Right now! McClain is a licensed counselor in New York City with a specialty in coping with chronic and life-threatening health conditions. His books include The Complete Idiot's Guide to Breaking Bad Habits and Empowering Your Life With Joy, and he is a frequent contributor to health-related publications.
Want more breaking equality news & trending entertainment stories?
Check out our NEW 24/7 streaming service: the Advocate Channel!
Download the Advocate Channel App for your mobile phone and your favorite streaming device!
From our Sponsors
Most Popular
Before AIDS, gay artist Rex drew hot men on the prowl — then he disappeared
April 11 2024 3:15 PM
Diets that mimic fasting reverse aging: study
March 07 2024 5:28 PM
PrEP without a prescription now a reality in California
February 06 2024 8:37 PM
Injectable HIV treatment, prevention: Everything you need to know
March 26 2024 3:28 PM
8 dating tips for gay men from a gay therapist
March 21 2024 2:50 PM
Happy national foreskin day!
April 04 2024 1:45 PM
The science behind U=U has been liberating people with HIV for years
June 04 2024 3:31 PM
Scarlet fever: exploring our fascination with blood
March 13 2024 1:47 PM
On Anal Sex Day, crack up with The Bottom's Digest
April 18 2024 10:22 AM
Plus: Featured Video
Latest Stories
Activist and philanthropist Bruce Bastian dies at 76
June 26 2024 1:28 PM
Yes, HIV-positive people can safely breastfeed
June 26 2024 12:59 PM
Exclusive: We kiki with Q from 'RuPaul's Drag Race'
June 24 2024 11:37 AM
Court rules to keep PrEP coverage under Obamacare
June 21 2024 5:42 PM
In honor of Juneteenth 2024, meet The Normal Anomaly
June 19 2024 1:39 PM
What is Juneteenth?
June 19 2024 11:30 AM
As Pride party season begins, the CDC urges mpox vaccinations
May 16 2024 6:52 PM
Advocacy in action with AIDSWatch
May 09 2024 12:30 PM
The Talk: Thriving with HIV
May 08 2024 10:45 AM
The Talk: What HIV isn’t
May 07 2024 10:48 AM
The Talk: Finding balance with HIV
May 06 2024 10:51 AM
Justice Dept plans to reschedule marijuana as a lower-risk drug
May 03 2024 2:40 PM
The Talk: Starting your journey with HIV
May 03 2024 2:00 PM
Why is a mother’s mental health so important? A doctor explains
May 01 2024 1:38 PM
Walmart to close all of its health care clinics
April 30 2024 12:30 PM
Vampire facial spa infected several women with HIV
April 29 2024 7:26 PM