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When Kayden Gray found out he's HIV-positive, he gave up sex because he felt "unlovable." Now he's urging to others the importance of knowing their status.
London-based gay porn star Kayden Gray released an inspiring video in which he decided to tell the world he’s HIV-positive. The move came after months of working in sexual health and noticing HIV advocate’s “constant effort to benefit the sexual wellbeing of our community.”
In the video, he reveals not only that he’s HIV-positive, but that he took three months away from having sex altogether because he felt “disgusting” and “unlovable.”
“I’ve been thinking about making this video for a very long time,” Gray starts. “I know some people won’t like it and I’m thinking that’s even more of a reason why it should happen, and why I’d like everyone know that I’m HIV-positive…. Since I started working in sexual health, [I’ve] already noticed how many people are putting days upon weeks upon years of effort to benefit the sexual wellbeing of our community. Having seen that I cannot sit on this secret and I need to do this for myself as much as anyone else out there who might need to hear this.
Gray goes on to explain that he contracted HIV nine months into doing porn and has had it for over three years. After discovering his status, he began to shame himself for it and refused to let himself have sexual pleasure — almost as a form of punishment.
“I felt disgusting and I felt unlovable,” he explains. “I thought my life was going to end and I never thought I would continue doing porn but then I found out about antiretroviral treatment, which is given to people who’ve contracted HIV and it’s very successful… My viral load [eventually] went down to undetectable.”
After reaching undetectable, Gray’s HIV is now so low that he can no longer transmit the virus onto others. It’s a process that can only happen after being treated with ARV therapy.
Now that he’s reached undetectable, Gray urges those who are newly diagnosed to remember fight stigma and to remember that no one is ever their status.
“All of you who are negative and who are listening to this thinking this doesn’t affect you because you are not stupid, you are not a whore, you can take care of yourself. Well guess what?” he asks. “I used to say exactly the same things, and like you, I used the word ‘clean’”
He continued: “The worst part is the judgment and even cruelty. Not even from the general public but from people from your own community. I know where that comes from because you want to disassociate yourself from the problem, but it doesn’t help… The dust will settle. And eventually, you realize that as painful as this experience is, having HIV is not that bad. It’s actually an experience that has taught me so much and has given me so much appreciation for my own life.”
According to Avert.org, there were 101,200 people living with HIV in the United Kingdom, and 96 percent of adults living with the virus were on ARV.
Watch the video below:
